I'm a simple emigrant and exposed yet another conspiracy

If anyone in Germany is thriving, it’s the potatoes! This year there are as many of them as never before in the last 25 years. But you can’t please farmers: with a small harvest it’s bad, with a large harvest it’s also bad. They’ve already given them to zoos, to charitable organizations, and as humanitarian aid, yet there’s still a lot left. A potato default occurred: there’s nobody to sell them, and storing them is expensive. So the farmers declared a potato flood and started giving them away for free. The campaign is called “4,000 tonnes.” Whoever didn’t manage to eat pancakes with a shovel will have time to join the potato giveaway by the handful. Now is the perfect time to invest, stock up at the lows – then we’ll sell at the highs! Mostly they’re giving it away in Berlin and around Leipzig — they’ve opened 174 distribution points: in schools, churches, and just anywhere. They even whipped up a site for this purpose. There they write when exactly they’ll arrive and where. Because potatoes, like a real immigrant from the southern regions, freeze in the local winter, and by the time they’re delivered, they’ll become bricks. You won’t believe it, but there’s no earnings limit per household: they invite everyone off the street. Ideally take 5–10 kg at a time per person. But stuff them into your pockets or stash them in the hem of your hoodie like stolen apples—the main thing is to save the potatoes! Anyway, this is a conspiracy of air fryers and deep fryers; first they’ll hook us, and then they’ll jack up the price to tens of thousands of euros per kilogram, we know such people! Admit it, have you already put a potato-collecting trip in your calendar? #food