I'm a simple emigrant, and pigeons annoy me

We have a pretty big balcony. We dressed it up nicely, planted flowers, moved the palms out of the room, and hung lights. And the pigeons, on the fifth floor of course, found it such a five-star hotel to be appealing. Every season, and year-round, the pigeons began to come by to scout; first one, then another, then two at a time. Then they got totally brazen and started coming with realtors. We hissed at them and waved our arms; they wouldn’t care! They fly away, but after a minute they’re back. I worried mostly that they wouldn’t start weaving nests. So far we’ve managed it, perhaps because we started scaring them with water. Recently we left for two weeks, came back a few days ago and were shocked. The pigeons threw a party here with KFC and chili tacos, and not just once. Otherwise I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe in their pigeongram there’s also a toilet blogger-reviewer? He’s like: hi everyone, today I’m showing a free luxury toilet practically in the center of Frankfurt! Subscribe, like! And the pigeons mobbed him for selfies. Not only that, they smeared the cushions, the rug, the pots, and even the palm tree took a hit! And then I looked behind the protective fence. There was pigeon droppings evenly spread along the entire length of the edge, everywhere! Now all the pigeons surely know about our balcony. For the birds, it’s probably visible from three leagues away. While I was thinking about how to clean it all up faster, I saw two young pigeons land, each with a twig in its beak. I caught them right on the crime scene! They landed on the rug, mainly in the shade of the palm tree and the chair. It’s a good thing I managed to shoo them away along with the twigs! But, to be honest, I’m already mentally preparing to live with a nest next door. I can just picture coming back from a walk, and a royal pigeon nest (seven twigs, two feathers) is ready and eggs are lying. Then by the rules, touching them would be forbidden. And also, they say pigeons remember their favorite places and return there every year. Well, we’ll see! Anyway, the robot vacuum refused to clean there, so I had to scrub everything with an old mop and by hand. We should put a plastic crow, but I don’t want to; it doesn’t fit the style. And also, I think I’ll be scared of it myself. By the way, at first I thought of hanging old CD discs around the balcony, but then I remembered that I’m an immigrant. Where would I have old discs here from? #curiosities